Friends

Being an introvert in an expat world is quite challenging. I cannot just go up to people and start conversations very easily, which is one of the things necessary to start friendships. And yet I am asked to do this every three years or else live as a hermit in my house. I have to do it, if not for me, for my children. How can they have playdates if I am not out there setting them up?

In other ways, however, the expat world makes it easy on me. I am put into a community of people (moms) experiencing the same things I am. We all miss our family and friends back "home". We all have no idea how to speak the language. We all have to go to the grocery store and figure out what things are. We all have to deal with traveling or "I have to work late" spouses. In all of this, our community becomes an instant anchor... one we rely on a tremendous amount to keep us steady.

I recently read an article about this very thing. I am not as eloquent with words so I refer to the article for the meat of what I would love to say. But on a personal level, it wasn't a funeral that showed me how awesome my expat friends can be. It was the loss of a pregnancy, when I needed someone to take care of me and watch my two-year-old daughter while I healed. It was my water suddenly breaking signaling the birth of my son, when I needed someone to watch my daughter from the middle of dinnertime until my husband could take her back in the middle of the night. It was the surgery my daughter had to have in another country, when I needed someone to watch and entertain my son while he was out of school and my husband worked. And it was all the countless times I just needed someone to help me deal with living in a foreign country, or deal with children, or deal with children while living in a foreign country.

The sad part is that this anchor is temporary. People move. All the time. You are lucky to have two years with the same friends in the same place. You build this important relationship and then they go away. Others move in and you wonder, "Should I make the effort to befriend them? I am leaving next year..." But then you are amazed again at how quickly you become friends. And then you leave them and have to do the whole thing all over again someplace else. You have to make new friends while missing the old ones.

Because of this I have grown extremely appreciative for the internet and social websites, including email, blogs, Facebook, and Instagram. I understand that they can be time suckers, but they are also a lifeline. How else would I be able to keep in contact with the friends I've made when they move all around the world? I am much more likely to use the internet than a phone. I really don't like the phone. I am so thankful for the ability to "chat" with family and friends all over the world without having to talk through a receiver that doesn't give me time to think and constantly puts the fact that I'm socially-awkward on display. I am so thankful to be able to follow my friends' lives when they aren't able to be right next door, and do it on my own time, when I am able to sit and take it all in and not be expected to respond immediately or possibly at all. Oh, what an introvert paradise the internet/messaging/texting can be!

Sigh.

To bring this full circle, the expat world... the world that forced me to go out and meet people... is now my comfort. The thought of going back into the "real" world, back to my country of origin, back to where I am just another American, freaks me out a bit. If I wasn't going back to a place where I previously lived, I would be truly lost. Now, on the bright side, I do have a neighborhood full of families with kids already set. On the dark side, I have to go out and meet them. The horror. Before we left, I did not have children and therefore didn't really see the need to meet them all. I had my friends from church that I hung out with. But now, I want to be a part of that community. Again, not just for me but for my kids. That means I have to spend an insurmountable amount of energy going out and meeting them. I have to meet them without the great and reliable opening questions: "Is this your first post?" "Where have you lived before?" "How long have you been here?" "How long will you be here?" "Where are you from?" I guess these questions may not sound so weird in Northern Virginia, but I'm not quite sure they are normal.

I know I'll survive. I always do. That is something that my overseas life has taught me. Even when times get hard, I will get through it. And usually for the better.

What else has overseas life taught me? To sincerely appreciate my friends. On this note, I would like to get even more personal...

To the friends I made in Berlin... You are the true heroes of my life. Not only was I a new expat when I arrived in Berlin, I was also a new mom. You helped formulate who I am as an expat mom. You showed me that I can do anything and everything with a baby in a foreign country. You did not allow me to use that as an excuse to stay in the house, and you did it purely by example. You also helped me deal with my new mom freak outs. I wouldn't be the mom I am today if it weren't for you (and I mean that in a good way).

To the friends I made in Warsaw... You guided me through the toddler years. You came to my aid when I needed to stay sane during those long winters. You organized and participated in playdates that helped the dreary days not drag on forever. You gave me the strength to put my daughter in a Polish preschool, which was such a great development move for her. You provided an environment that showed me it was ok to not be the perfect mom.

To the friends I made in Bangkok... You had to be a friend to someone who was in a bit of a mid-life crisis so to speak, whether you knew it or not. You encouraged me to start my name blog, which in turn has given me such reward. You allowed my children to invade your homes on millions of occasions. You are raising children who turned out to be the best friends of my children's lives so far.

To my friends back in the States... You have stuck with me through the last 8 1/2 years. You have given me support, encouragement and comfort from many miles away. You seem pretty excited to have us back, and for that I am thankful. :)

I have been tremendously blessed. The sponsors who greeted us and helped us get settled in and acquainted with each of our posts were heaven-sent. The fact that I have been connected with Godly women in each of our posts has been a benefit I can't even begin to measure. And all of the other friends I have made over the years has touched my life in many different ways. I am grateful for you all.

While it may be rough at times, making friends as an expat gives you a network of people all around the world that would probably do whatever it took to help you out. From travel advice to babysitting to a place to stay, expat friends turn this world into a little smaller and a lot more welcoming place.

Nostalgia

Our time overseas may be coming to an end this year. We have lived in three countries over the past 8 1/2 years and each time a post has come to a close I become super nostalgic. I have found nostalgia to be extremely comforting and wildly disruptive all at the same time. Comforting because I think of what I have come to know and enjoy; disruptive because these thoughts remind me of what I used to have or soon will not have. Nostalgia keeps everything fresh, but an unfortunate result of that is discontentment. Now that we are possibly moving back to the States, the nostalgia is in massive overdrive. So, what do I do with all of these conflicting thoughts and feelings? Write a blog!

The source of my nostalgia comes from different places and different times. I think back to life in the States and long for the ease of it all. The ability to go to the auto shop and speak to mechanics in English sounds like such a breath of fresh air. Nostalgia for the States helps me look forward to the future and gives me hope that I will always appreciate the abundance and convenience of my home country.

I also think back to each of my post cities/countries...

Berlin, Germany - My first expat experience. The hardest and yet most beloved time of my life. I was also a new mom when I moved there, and added my son while living there, so there is an extra feeling of sentiment in these thoughts.

Warsaw, Poland - Long winters with toddlers were not easy. But any part of Europe will have my heart and warm memories of travels and culture are plentiful when Poland comes to mind.

Bangkok, Thailand - Such a change from the previous posts, both because of the culture/weather and the stage of life... no more children at home all day to monopolize my time. I have both accomplishments to be proud of and regrets to overcome when I think of this last place I call home.

Wow, are there things I miss/am going to miss about all of these places. Such fantastic experiences and wonderful memories to hold on to. But this is where the pain of nostalgia comes in. Will I be able to enjoy those experiences again? Or even weightier... will I ever be content?

That is a huge topic, and one I will not tackle now. But all that said, this blog is a way for me to purge all of the ramblings I have going on in my head. I may or may not talk about any of the above, but I know I will do some fun things like rankings of our travels as, during my nostalgic moments, I have been trying to determine my favorites. I invite you to read along, but understand if you don't. In the many articles I have read about expats returning "home", a lot of them talk about how people may not understand or care about what you have to say, or get annoyed by all the stories you may want to share. I truly hope I am not annoying or insensitive to those around me.

This blog is my way of talking without forcing people to listen. ;)