Homesick

When we were traveling after our homeleave in the States for our move from Berlin to Warsaw, we had to fly through Frankfurt, Germany. I distinctly remember the wave of sadness I felt as we walked through the airport to our gate. It took me a bit of time, but I finally realized why I was so upset: we were leaving home twice in one day. I was already feeling blue leaving our family and friends in the States, but then I had to leave Germany... again. It was double the grief.

One of the best and worst things about foreign service life is you get to call many places "home," but then you have to leave them. And then you miss them. A lot. While there are quite a few things that frustrate you about each place you live, the positives generally outweigh the negatives, and those are the things you remember the most. Those are the things you long for.

It sometimes hits me when I'm not expecting it. I follow a lot of travelers' accounts on Instagram. I'm happily bombarded with pictures of far-away places, and every now and then a picture pops up of a place I have been before and it always brings a smile to my face. Just yesterday, however, I was scrolling along when a picture of the Polish countryside came up. A vivid picture of a dark gray cloudy sky contrasting against the bright yellow flowers and beautiful green grass of the canola fields. I almost started to cry. I will often see pictures of Berlin (I actually follow several Berlin-specific accounts) and other places in Germany as those are more popular destinations for travelers. But it's not every day that a picture of Poland comes up, especially not of the countryside you would only see as you drove across the country. Memories came flooding back and that familiar wave of sadness reappeared. I tried to tell myself to just be happy that I was able to experience that area of the world, but the nagging sense of "I might never see it again" overpowered me. It eventually passed and life continued on, but I've had enough of those moments to know they will happen again.

So, not only do I have flashes of homesickness for the States, but also for Germany and Poland (and I'm sure I will for Thailand as well). Sure, I miss the big things like the sights, the history, and the major trips, but it's really the little things that stick out and cause these feelings the most. Like the view of the countryside while driving from one city to another. Or the walks to the grocery store, farmer's market, or bakery with baby in tow. Or the pauses at the bakery in the grocery store so you can buy some quarkbällchen. Or the obliviousness felt when doing anything in public because you cannot understand a word anyone is saying. It's the day to day life that makes a place a home, and the uniqueness of each place that makes that life special.

I will close out this stream of consciousness by saying my intention is not to be negative about this at all! Homesickness just means we have built meaningful memories somewhere we call home... how can that be bad?